Wednesday November 18, 2009 15:05
Heavier Things
Amazon.com
John Mayer’s big-label debut was a multiplatinum breakthrough success whose sensual anthem “Your Body Is a Wonderland” scored him an unlikely Grammy for Best Pop Vocal. That out-of-the-box succes–and more than a few critics grousing that Mayer’s muse was cloned from Dave Matthews–primed him for the typical sophomore slump. Instead, Mayer delivers an album whose tone and title suggests a gentle, tongue-in-cheek rebuke to his naysayers. Propelled by the subtle ambitions of a… More >>
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- Category: John Mayer
- (5) Comments
Llamas are cute and funny
November 18th, 2009 at 3:29 pm
Did y’all hear about that thing where the Dave Matthews Band’s tour bus dumped a big steamin’ load of crap off a bridge onto some boat? Really! I saw that story on the news and I was all like “whoa — metaphor!” Because it’s like the Dave Matthews Band sucks in a very distinct and special way that no other band currently sucks. Looking back, I think you have to go back to Crosby, Stills & Nash to find a band that sucks that badly in that particular way.
So…whither John Mayer? Undoubtedly he’s totally like a Dave Matthews ripoff. He had that one big annoying song about running through the halls of his high school (hmm…someone was watching “Breakfast Club”), but there’s absolutely nothing new or original about him. Yet the hotties are all straight groovin’ on him. And I’m like “WHAAAAA?” I mean, dude: I spend like three hours a day in the gym, bangin’ out reps and getting freaking PUMPED. And the chi-chis are all like “oh, we love John Mayer so much! He’s so deep!” Please. I’ve gotten complimentary bowls of salsa at El Chico’s that were deeper than this clown.
So Dave Matthews drops a ton of poo on us, and John Mayer follows it up with heavier things – namely, “Heavier Things.” It pretty much sounds like his last album, which sucked. But like I said, the hotties got all jelly about him, so why change? The music’s still weak, the lyrics are still crappy freshman dorm poetry. If you set a drink on it, it won’t absorb the condensation and you’ll get rings on your coffee table. What’s to recommend? Dude needs to slap on some spandex, grow a pair and start singing about 4×4s or redneck women or something. As it stands, I’d rather listen to my own screams. Someone please tell these wannabe poets to quit dropping the deuce on us!
Rating: 2 / 5
Misfit Kid
November 18th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
John Mayer is terrible. He is the most boring, untalented, not-even-good-looking “star” since Debbie Gibson…sorry, Debbie, for putting you two in the same category. He thinks he’s Dave Matthews but HE’S NOT EVEN CLOSE! He tries to sing like him but JUST SOUNDS ANNOYING! That’s his problem; he tries way too hard to be something he’s not. (John, it’s nice to imitate your heroes, but have the decency to do it in the privacy of your own home. That’s what untalented people do.) Dave Matthews isn’t even that interesting, but at least he has talent (in spades) over little Johnny. On top of not having any talent whatsoever, John Mayer had the audacity to be extremely arrogant when he won a grammy this year. He complained that his record company “picked the wrong song to be a single:” THE SINGLE THAT JUST WON HIM A GRAMMY! For crying out loud, John, get a grip. You should be more humble than anyone on this planet. Wait, Hilary Duff (who my 15 year old niece has dubbed, “she who cannot be named”) comes pretty close for having the most off-kilter talent/success ratio…or is it Britney Spears? Whatever, they all sound and look the same: BORING, BORING, BORING.
Rating: 1 / 5
J. Deighton
November 18th, 2009 at 3:36 pm
John Mayer is a ten month old copy of Maxim plus a guitar.
Rating: 1 / 5
Example: Mark Twain
November 18th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
He sounds just like a cross between Hendrix and Jeff Beck…except he’s the digital version whereas the other cats were the whole wave. Trying to sound like Jimi and J. Beck is such an old game.
I’ve got total respect for those players but Mayer’s about boring. SRV did the Hendrix thing SO much better than this turd. Mayer is clickety clackety. The notes are there but they’ve got NO soul in them.
Rating: 1 / 5
Danny Davies
November 18th, 2009 at 8:11 pm
This is not MUSIC. This is some monosylabilic drone-head who has nothing interesting to offer.
ROCK MUSIC AFICIANADOS: DO NOT SUPPORT THIS TYPE OF MUSIC!
THERE ARE STILL A LOT OF GROUPS YOU LOVED AND LISTENED TO FROM THE ’70’s and ’80’s WHO ARE STILL TOURING AND STILL DESERVING OF YOUR DOLLARS.
RE-BUY THOSE BELOVED OLD ALBUMS. Replace your tape collection with new CD copies of ZZ Top, Autograph, Cinderella, Night Ranger, April Wine, Steppenwolf, even the BEATLES for heck’s sake.
IF YOU BUY INTO THESE IDIOTs, IT WILL ONLY ENCOURAGE THE RECORD COMPANIES TO GIVE YOU MORE, EVEN MORE MEDIOCRE MUSIC. STAND UP AND SHOUT, WE WANT REAL ROCK MUSIC, not schlep like this.
Rating: 1 / 5