Rock stars should look cool. For those of you that don’t know what this means, it means you should wear tight leather pants, lots of chains and shiny metal objects, and have tattoos on every exposed surface of your skin. Did Nirvana have any of this? No.

Rock stars should sound cool. That means that they should be able to screech long and loud like Axl or Robert Plant. They should play long and fast guitar solos (like Megadeth), and they should sing about how much money they have and how many chicks they bang. At the very least, they should be able to brag about how great they are in song. Did Nirvana do any of these things? No.

Rock stars should be totally original too. Nirvana’s style was basically just cobbled together from bits and pieces of other bands that came before them, unlike true masters of rock like GnR, Megadeth or Metallica. Plus, their songs were simple and easy to play. Everyone knows that unless a song contains multiple key changes, minor chord progressions and syncopation, its total crap. Also, as I mentioned earlier, songs should have lots of guitar solos in them. Lots of them!

So you see, Nirvana was total crap. They sucked. They weren’t even authentically poor. They were probably wealthy. If you listen to Nirvana then you are a total loser. Go buy something else. Go buy some Avril or some Good Charlotte. Better yet, go check out some classics like Van Halen (Sammy Hagar era – I don’t think we have to get into that other dork and his pathetic shtik). Now there’s someone that knows how to take a guitar and make it go “neeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer-wah-wah-wah-wah-wah-diddly-diddly-doodley-doooooooooo!!!!!”.
Rating: 1 / 5